And I’m okay with that.
Those who have the pleasure to know me in real life – yah, it’s a pleasure…right? – could attest to the fact that I can be, well, what’s the word… neurotic. I like to say that I’m passionate. I educate myself on the topics I’m most passionate about and go from there.
Vince says I’m like a pitbull with a bone – but who asked him anyway?
Passionate. That’s the right word.
And there’s no one out there that brings out the passionate in me more so than Big & Small. Seriously, just looking at them makes my heart swell and can instantly bring me to tears. They have taught me the most important lessons of all; how to live in the moment, how to just be, how to let go, how to love.
Just today, while we were at the library and I was starting to get antsy because Small was running around like a mad man, Big took one look at me and said, “mommy, it’s okay, he’s only two”
And he’s so right. He’s two. He’s supposed to spin around and around, giggling until he collapses. He doesn’t know library rules. Be quiet? Not in Small’s world. And before anyone gets even more antsy than I, we were in the kids’ section where talking and playing are encouraged.
Anyway, so there I was being schooled, counselled by my beautiful, intuitive, clever, balanced five year old.
We both looked over at Small who was now cross eyed and laughing on the floor, and we both burst out with some serious belly laughs of our own.
Big, you bring balance into my life. You are an ‘old soul’ in a little body. You hold your own ground with me, and are so well spoken that you win most of the time. Not that I keep score. You’re just much smarter than I am at the tender age of five. You’re passionate – just like me.
Small, you are so full of life and personality. You are animated and fun. Even the speech therapist was amazed at how much you gesture and said that you don’t need to talk because your hands and personality do it for you. I blamed it on your father (as I sat on my hands so as to not give myself away!) You too, are like me.
I can’t do life on my own. And I thank God every day for having the grace to save me from myself and trust me with you both.
On the days that I feel lost and meaningless – I think of you both, and yes, you do in fact complete me.