(in)Decision 2011

It’s come to the point where I’m almost tired of hearing myself talk about this. I know, I know. I love to talk. But seriously, this is totally doing my head in.

Yes, for those that have had to endure this in person (by the way God bless your patient hearts) I’m still going on about the whole grade one conundrum.

Big is finishing up his Montessori program. And in the perfect world, you know, the one in my head, he would stay at his little bubble of a school until he was of marrying age – but even I know that’s not going to happen. Throw in the fact that he just seems to be ‘over’ the whole Montessori thing, and my plan (and my nervous system) are all in a tizzy.

So the decision was made that he would not continue in a Montessori environment. Yes, I cried. You see, I’m a full hearted Montessorian. I love, love, love and respect everything Montessori. However, I know that sometimes, just sometimes, children need a little more guidance, a little more structure.

Okay, so back to me… I mean, Big. Right. This is about him.

Let me be clear, I’m not anti-public school. But I won’t lie. It scares me. I’ve been fortunate enough to experience school with Big. We walk in together, I get to hug him and wish him a great day, Small gets a quick squeeze in too. I chat with one of his two teachers so we all know what’s going on. I get to tell them whether he was up late, or if he’s had a great morning. I get to waltz right into the classroom at any given time if I feel like it. I don’t. But we’re welcome to parade through at any given time.

From what I hear, and I could be wrong – this is not the case in public school. I don’t live with my head up my ass. I know and fully appreciate that what we’re accustomed to is not the norm. We pay for that kind of service. But it’s not just about the money. It’s the feel that goes along with that. We’re all a family in there. I know all the kids in Big’s school, and they know me.

Bottom line, I’m scared. Like all mothers, I want to do what’s best for my sons. Both of them.

Big is a sensitive, gentle soul. He’s not shy, he’s very social (like his mother) He’s sweet, he’s funny. And he’s going to be totally fine. I know it.

It’s me.  I’m going to need support as we move into this new phase. This blog is going to carry me through. As are all the wonderful, supportive people in my life.

Together we’ll get through it. We’ll survive this, and one day look back and say, “really? this is what we lost sleep over?”

And by we, I really mean me.