#CancerSucks

November 11, 2015 will forever be ingrained in my memory as the day my mom told me she has breast cancer.

I’m not sure exactly what else was said because all I heard was – cancer.

Amazing how that one word can change your life forever.

Since that day, I haven’t really been able to say much about it. I haven’t really been able to say the word cancer out loud. It’s a scary word. It brings with it a lot of unknowns and I hate unknowns. More so now than ever.

I’ve been trying to stay strong, for my mom, but the truth is that I’m angry. It’s not fair, I keep repeating in my mind, over and over again, IT’S NOT FAIR!

And the truth is, it’s not fair. But then what is? Life’s not fair. It’s not meant to be fair. It’s meant to be meaningful and full of love, but nowhere has life ever said ‘I’m going to be fair.’

I’ve had a few weeks to get over being angry, I’ve prayed and I’ve meditated, and have slightly moved on to one-day-at-a-time mode. It’s all I can do. I have no control over what’s going to happen, but I do have control over how I’m going to handle it.

Probably with humour because that’s kind of my thing. My mom will appreciate that because she’s whom I get that trait from. If you’ve met her, you know this. You know that she’s witty and clever and loves to laugh. See? I told you, I’m her. Except, maybe not the clever part at all times.

Probably with prayer because it’s how I feed my soul.

Probably with tears, because the truth is I’m sad.

So yes, cancer sucks.

I hate you cancer.

We head in to surgery this morning. So if you could say a little prayer and send good thoughts our way, that would be awesome. After this surgery we will know what treatment path we’ll need to follow.

Yes, it’s we.

Mom, you’ve given your everything to me and to your grandchildren. More than any of us have ever deserved. You have loved me no matter what. You have loved me even when I wasn’t easy to love. You have never given up on me. You have shown me what being a mom is all about. You have taught me to be who I am without apology. You have instilled in me a knowledge and love for God and love.

So now, it’s my turn.

I’m here for you.

We’ll laugh and we’ll cry.

We’ll pray, and be still.

We’ll fight and we’ll stay strong.

We don’t know what’s coming up next on this journey, but we’re in this together.

Forever.

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For the love of all that’s holy! The #RedCup Dilemma.

So, as a Christian I’m supposed to be offended by a red cup this morning.

Really?

No, seriously, really?

Who?What?When?

I can’t even.

I saw a headline “Christians offended by Red Cup”.

Christians? Really?

I’m a Christian.

You didn’t ask me before reporting such ridiculousness.

So clean up your headline. At the bare minimum, include the word “some” so that I’m not lumped into a solid bunch of people who, with other offenses going on in the world, like war, like hunger, like poverty, like lack of compassion, are outraged by a red cup. Maybe they mean well, but although we share Christianity in common, their intentions are not my own.

A red cup.

I still can’t even.

You see, some of us Christians, we’re not interested in the Jesus that keeps popping up in our newsfeeds and headlines. Some of us Christians are madly in love with the Jesus that gave his life for us and that above all else is living love. The Jesus that forgives and is abundant in grace. The Jesus that couldn’t give a damn about the colour of the cup your coffee is poured in, but instead insists that you treated the barista who poured it with respect, love, grace and did I mention love?

So please, I beg you, please know that I, a Christian, am not offended by any cup, not by the colour, size or shape of it. So at any time, I will welcome a hot cup of coffee in any way you’d like to offer it to me. And if you can figure out how I could receive it in IV form, I’d be forever grateful. And given how cranky I get when I don’t have enough caffeine running through my veins, I’m sure Jesus would thank you too.

Yours in love,

Nay.